no difference

Ever wonder if what you are doing makes a difference? Of course. We all do. Recently I came to the cruel realization that a good portion of 4.5 years did not make a difference. Not a bit.

College sports are a huge part of a person's growing up. In college you solidify who you want to be (in my humble opinion). Well, I played basketball. I was a freshman walk on who played JV for THREE YEARS. After that I realized that Coach didn't want me, nothing I did could impress him, and my heart wasn't enough. I quit playing and helped coach and filmed every home game and practice for the next two seasons. But at the end when Seniors night rolled around...did I get mentioned? did I get a head nod? did I get thanked even behind the scenes....F no.

That I can live with. Hard as that is to say. What I can't live with, what hurts me the most, is that two weeks ago I got engaged, and not one teammate has congratulated me. In five years I did not make one friend on the basketball court who cares enough about my life to wish me congratulations. That's when I realized that nothing I did had made a difference.

Home alone.

it's fun. but not when you only have one day to yourself and lots to do. I don't even have the time to take a bath with all the smelly salts that double as illegal drugs. I have to go to church, go to work, go work out, go grocery shopping, mail papers for loan repayments, and all that jazz. That and I'm all alone so I have no one to complain or brag to. I think that is what sucks the most.

anyway, peace out, Happy Easter to everyone!

Everyone has a little Pyro in them

So once again I have car troubles. Based on the title of this chapter of the blog, you would think I want to light a fire to it. You'd be wrong. My car is again leaking gas from the tank. It first happened in October and I got a patch put on the tank and there was a small dent on the tank I was told. For a classic example of the Mondays, I opened my garage door this morning and was overwhelmed by the overwhelming smell of gasoline. I pulled my car out, and saw $42.00 worth of gas being leaked out and a standing puddle of the gas just sitting there laughing at me.

Quick as a leprechaun is short I go to my mechanic and tell them my dilemma. They had fixed the problem in October so I thought they would quick do it again. Apparently customers with emergency drive-ins are put behind people who call ten minutes later and ask for one new tire. Grrr... At 3 they said they would work on it and replace the tank for a mere $400, and luckily there is a tank in town so we don't have to wait. Now at 5:15 I am still waiting to hear if they are done.

Back to the Pyro inside all of us...why is my first impulse (when looking at a puddle of gasoline from my car) to light a match and watch it burn? Even when the puddle of gas inside a garage or in the midst of several parked cars, I want to burn it!!! Good thing I don't carry a lighter with me at all times....

New Bed!

i was wondering dear readers, if you have ever just used something to get by on for a short period of time, but when the time comes to replace it, you now love it? Since December 17 I've been sleeping on my futon (which is useless as a couch, but very useful as a shelf). Now, nearly three months later I have a bed (it's not new but it's a real bed) and I don't want to make the switch. Is that weird?

The problem isn't that I don't want the bed, it's I don't know what to do with my futon when I'm no longer sleeping on it. The back leg is broken, so it's balancing on a cast iron statue of a lion, the matress does not unattach, and I live in a fairly small apartment that is already fully furnished. The choices are to throw it and cry later, fix the leg and give it to a thrift store, or throw it as is in storage downstairs and maybe use it again. hmmmmm...I think I'll watch tv instead.

Falling down the Rabbit Hole

Ben has moved away. It was a very sad day for Chad and Sue. Unfortunately for me, I had a relationship with Ben that was so set in stone that we were enemies that I could not be sad to see him go, that would have been too weird for him. Even our goodbye hug was off center. I do regret not being able to be more sad and not able to comfort Chad as much. So now he's in MT and looking for work and new friends. The sooner Chad and Sue move out the better. That house just isn't the same.

Other than that, life is still wonderful. The new facility opened today, with construction crews still walking around and painting stairs. It was embarassing having only a frame of 2x4 covered with a brown cloth as our front desk. Still no computers up and running when I left at 2:30. But a lot of people walked through the building and were amazed at it. Nobody went swimming until I did at 1 o'clock, then a five people did when I finished. The pool is amazing, I never would have thought underwater speakers could work, but they are crystal clear.

Currently jamming out to my new album Almost Alice and planning a weekend in Fargo with family and friends and hopefully we will get to watch the new Wonderland movie!!

new room!

God bless Moms.

We had a baptism at church today and there were a couple in front of us. It was all rather wonderful (minus the kid two pues infront of us sitting without his mom). To top it off my mom came to town with Casey's Mom like they do once a year. She bought me a couple little pieces of funiture to fix up my room of my new apt and we spent the whole afternoon assemblying and singing. We made up a song, hilarious. You can probably find it on facebook. It was a great day.

Only one "stranger" pegged us as mother daughter when we laughed so it wasn't too bad. I had to beat up Chad a little bit when he called me Pam....other than that it was a great weekend and I just wanted to thank God for moms.

Wonderful World!!

I don't know if this is wonderful or perfect, but the people moving into the apartment upstairs are my boyfriend and one of his roommates! Chad has been renting the Grode house for over four years now (weird) and he's finally had enough. That and his fav roomie Ben has quit his job at ACE and is moving home to work on the oil lines. We will all miss that hairy sheep fucker. Anyway! Chad and Sue are tired of living with a dog that barks and with a kid who's almost an alcoholic, so they are moving in together, again, and moving to our apartment! He hasn't told the real landlord yet, but nobody reads my blog so I don't think I'm spilling the beans to anyone.

I am just so excited because everything in my life just seems to be taking huge steps right now and they are all in the right direction. Chad is going to be moving and he's so happy about that, I have a wonderful internship which is turning into a job, my interview for a second job went great and seems to make Chad happier than it makes me, a friend just started a relationship, and my roommate and I laugh all night everynight singing the Robot Chicken end song!!! Life is just really, really good right now.