slightly bored.

Yeah...new job...new job smell has already faded.

Day four of doing nothing has really depressed me. I mean, really I have done nothing but create a facebook fan page that I haven't even published because I need the director's approval. He's the official voice to the media ya know. Anyway...I am very concerned about what I will do when the internship is over. There is a lifeguarding certification class in January that I can take for <$200 but I don't want to if I know I am going to be hired anyway. But then again our lifeguards are getting $9.50 an hour!! I would like that job I think....

we'll see what happens. I have two days to take the test (300yds and retrieve an item from the bottom of the pool) and register for the class. No pressure for real life to set in.

NEW JOB!!

Yea!

So I couldn't wait to start my internship after I unofficially graduated and moved out of my home for the past 3.5 years. On Monday I started working at the Parks and Recreation main office because the new Aquatic & Wellness Center isn't near finished being constructed yet. Well that is if you don't count half the sheetrock up and all the wiring hanging from the ceiling and no heat yet "close".

Anyway I am working with five people, three of whom are very close in age to me and fun to work with so far. After all we are sharing one office and that office is the conference room. Temporary only, but it might last a whole more month because the opening date keeps getting pushed backwards and I just hope to God that my mere internship of 200 hours isn't over by the time the facility opens.

So in a nutshell, I love my new job so far and hope that it keeps getting better.

it's over.

So today was my last final. ever. Sure I haven't handed in any papers and I have my internship next month but I'll never have to sin in a classroom again. Not at UMary anyway.

I'm packing up my room for the last time and for the first time in 4 years I'm moving off campus. I'm really sad to leave campus and all the friends I have made. I won't see them everyday and even though I never hung out with all of them...they were still there. Now I'll be alone. Its very weird and very sad.

I am sad to graduate.

longest week ever

Ok so as you know I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Well we talked for three days straight and I cried for three nights and he didn't sleep for three nights and it was really hard because on the third day the arguments were getting ugly. If you know me then you know I'm not emotional and I like to argue the logical side of every situation. When dealing with the L word, being logical isn't really helpful.

Well on Thursday I took him out on a lovely date and we have been having a great time overdoing the "I love you I love you more" thing. It basically was me trying to drag us both out of this slump we got ourselves into. Emotionally, I just needed everything to be happy again, so I over did it. But now it's over...we had another talk and it is what it is. We are playing the waiting game and that's all that can be said folks. Nothing can be decided until I see what is out there and decide if I want to persue it or stay here where I know we'll be happy together.

I think the timing was good because it could have been a lot more emotional and having this discussion after Christmas may have broken someone's heart. I don't know if I talked myself out of a relationship or if I just put it on pause, but I do know that God gave us all freewill and brains to think with. The Lord will find a way to let me know his plans and we'll see if I'm smart enough to use my brain and accept whas wonderful gifts he has given. Not many people fall deeply in love with their first boyfriend. Let's hope that it lasts until I can figure my path.

Sam and Kayla get married in 12 days...I wish them the best of luck and all God's blessings. Seeing my many friends in love and with their soulmates is heartwarming and blissful. AJ and Jason get married in two months...more perfectly wonderful news. Even my girlfriends here, Shawna and Katelyn have dream boyfriends and are planning their futures to be together. I don't know why I can't just accept what I have and stop wishing for the unknown, what I have is wonderful. Maybe I'm scared, maybe I'm the immature one...or maybe I just don't want to wear a dress.

Either way, it's a waiting game now. Now I just have to put the rock down and stop pounding my head against the hard wall. Peace. Dry your tears. Go to sleep. Peace.

stuck between a rock and a hard place

See here already the real life is starting to suck. I had a discussion with my bf about my plans and hopes for the upcoming year and they are completely different than what he has planned. For two days now it is all I can think about and it is tearing me apart. I have only you loyal blog readers to talk to, because I hate talking outloud about this. Even now my eyes are watering up.

Ever heard the saying, "people are in your life for a reason, a season or forever"? Well I don't want these past 2 years, seven months, and 2 days to be a season. But he's half Irish, and I'm a redhead, we're just two stubborn people banging our heads against the same rock hoping it will move opposite directions.

The worst part is he is telling everyone close to him his plans, while I've held mine in. I've mainly told coworkers, who could help aide me in my plans. So when the time comes it is going to look like I've betrayed him and come up with a spontaneous plan to get out of Bismarck and away from him. Which is stupid! I hate that we can't agree and that I don't want to stay here. I wish I did.

Real life: you suck! I wish I was still going to be in school next year. I don't want this season to end.