longest week ever

Ok so as you know I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Well we talked for three days straight and I cried for three nights and he didn't sleep for three nights and it was really hard because on the third day the arguments were getting ugly. If you know me then you know I'm not emotional and I like to argue the logical side of every situation. When dealing with the L word, being logical isn't really helpful.

Well on Thursday I took him out on a lovely date and we have been having a great time overdoing the "I love you I love you more" thing. It basically was me trying to drag us both out of this slump we got ourselves into. Emotionally, I just needed everything to be happy again, so I over did it. But now it's over...we had another talk and it is what it is. We are playing the waiting game and that's all that can be said folks. Nothing can be decided until I see what is out there and decide if I want to persue it or stay here where I know we'll be happy together.

I think the timing was good because it could have been a lot more emotional and having this discussion after Christmas may have broken someone's heart. I don't know if I talked myself out of a relationship or if I just put it on pause, but I do know that God gave us all freewill and brains to think with. The Lord will find a way to let me know his plans and we'll see if I'm smart enough to use my brain and accept whas wonderful gifts he has given. Not many people fall deeply in love with their first boyfriend. Let's hope that it lasts until I can figure my path.

Sam and Kayla get married in 12 days...I wish them the best of luck and all God's blessings. Seeing my many friends in love and with their soulmates is heartwarming and blissful. AJ and Jason get married in two months...more perfectly wonderful news. Even my girlfriends here, Shawna and Katelyn have dream boyfriends and are planning their futures to be together. I don't know why I can't just accept what I have and stop wishing for the unknown, what I have is wonderful. Maybe I'm scared, maybe I'm the immature one...or maybe I just don't want to wear a dress.

Either way, it's a waiting game now. Now I just have to put the rock down and stop pounding my head against the hard wall. Peace. Dry your tears. Go to sleep. Peace.